Andrea's own words....

Well I can honestly say I pretty much stink at blogging. It's been like 6 month since I've written and that's not because I don't have things to say, c'mon this is me we're talking about. haha. No Since school started again I was back to the old grind of work and homework and pretty much nothing else. We had a Christmas show first semester and it was amazing. People loved it and it could be my favourite show so far. Currently we are performing The Dreamland at an empty space in the outlet malls. It's a pretty fun show. I get to be a tomatoe so that gets laughs. In just over two weeks it'll all be over though. And I mean all as in everything. No more school. I will officially be done and graduated. Well until graduation. But yea. It's been an unbelieveable three years. Looking back I spent most of it miserable, stressing over homework and things that in the end really don't matter. And you know what I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that my friends at school will remember me as the little stressed out bad mood girl. But this year has been different. I mean I have changed. God has changed me. I have been through the fire and refined by it, therefore making me a different person. I'm sure I'm still not done but this year has been the best year of my life, and I hope my friends look back and at least remember the change they saw in me and the different person I've become. Yes I still stress and somedays can be quite irritating but it's a process and God is continuing to change me and work on me. So as I move on to bigger and better things I've learned a few things; -God is in control -God may not give us answers but He's always there -God's purpose is for us to spend time with Him just to get to know Him not to always ask questions and expect answers -The closer we get to Him the more things will make sense, fall into place, and the louder His voice grows. Thank you Father, for revealing yourself to me! Please continue to do so and guide and direct me in this next step of life. Thank you for all the people you've put in my life and especially that one person who has been so wonderful and amazing in helping me learn, grow, fail and spur me on toward You, love, faith and trust. Trust in you and myself. AMEN and Praise the Lord!

Yes it has been awhile. When will life ever make sense? I wish I knew....I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. I need life, I need You, cuz I can't do this anymore. Gotta have faith, but when is it Your turn to do something? I've done all I can do, I'm where You put me. Something's gotta happen, but whose gonna make it happen? Whose gonna move, me or You? Somedays the pain lays heavy on my shoulders.....somedays it doesn't matter. Am I hiding from myself, running from where I'm supposed to be? I still wonder about you.....i still wonder about me. I still wonder about life, and if it will ever make sense, ever have a purpose, ever get easier then it seems to be. Will I ever do the right thing, meet the right person, be in the right place at the right time? Will I ever see You, feel You, hear You clearly again? Will I ever stop falling and stumbling? Will I ever lift my eyes to see Your face, your hand helping me up and pointing me in the right direction, the way? Will I ever do what I'm supposed to do, be where I'm supposed to be? Will my questions ever have answers? Will life ever make sense, and everyone have a life of harmony and understanding? Still, I will sing of Your mercies that lead me through valley's of sorrows to rivers of joy. Standin here until You make me move. Dare You to move. Cuz I'm stuck and don't know where to go.

Well I have some great exciting news! I finally got my laptop. It came last week and now I have wirless at home and it's just plain lovely. That may change this week as the guy who is currently paying for the internet can no longer do that but I probably will just get my own. hmm, let's see what else? School is in full swing and it's going to be a challenging year. Already it has been stressful but I'll get through. Currently I am procrastinating. The wirless gets addicting hehe. There are some hurdles I need to overcome this year regarding the acting....I just really need to connect to the song when I'm singing. I think some exercises our new teacher is doing will help me so hopefully with God and practice things will come together. A quote from a friend who really isn't a Christian but clearly God is using him: "God only gives us what we can handle, nothing more or less and it's true, its all in the mind, delegation of tasks, patience, and faith in Him that will lead you to accomplish these goals until it is ok again. What's happening is happening for a reason, a lesson to learn, whether it be tolerance, patience or a prelude to things coming...you must be vigilant and take itn ins stride....learn the lesson if their is one or be patient for the answers are coming." WOW. Honestly God is doing something in my heart. I don't know what it is, but Jesus is tugging. I struggle with spending time with Him and yet He proves again that it may not be quantity but quality. I still feel bad about not being able to do more or having the self discipline but God is working with what He can.....just think of what could happen if I had the motivation and self discipline to put more into it. Sometimes I get very frustrated with me. Funny though I feel so full of God's love right now, and so undeserving at the same time. And yet still He's there. I pray that what my friend said to me is true, every single bit of it. What's happening is happening for a reason, school, things in my life, friendships it'll all lead to something.....I just get tired of figuring out what sometimes. Anyhow, peace out. I gotta go. I wish I had some more insightful entries, like previous ones but so far, no dice. Andrea

Here is some good quotage.... "When we forget God, we foget who we are...." -Unknown "Experience is not what happens to you, But what you do with what happens to you...." -Aldous Huxley "Oh no you never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no you never let go - through the the highs, through the lows. Oh no you never let go - Lord you never let go of me...." -Matt Redman I don't know the title of the song. "The twisted Tea...meaning life in general.." -ME So....here's the scoop. I got my laptop back and after 10 mins it did the same thing. So I called Apple, complained again, and took it back to the place that repaired it the first time. He reset the PRAM and it seems to be doing ok now, but I haven't re-started it yet, so we'll see. Have you ever done something that you thought was a good idea at first and now you don't really know if it is. That's happened exactly twice in the psat week. This past week at church on Sunday Rodg said a really great thing. He wanted God more then he wanted money, recognition etc. I want God more then I want basically anything. I don't know how to put anything else I want to say.

Sometimes people think they understand people and situations when they really don't. A lot of people think they know me or understand me because of what I say but a lot of times I'm just thinking out loud. I just don't think you can really know someone unless you hang out with them quite a bit and really know where they are coming from. You can think what you want, but remember that is your perception, whether it's true or not well, I guess that is in the eyes of the beholder. Ok, now the decision has been made. I really really want to leave for Bible College now but have decided to finish what I started and finish my program. Its going to be quite the yr, probably not easy but a lady at church on Sunday prayed that it would be a great year full of blessing so I'm going to agree with that!! After I graduate well I do have some plans...they are all really tentative. Columbia Bible College in B.C has said that I could potentially get my B.A in a little over two yrs, with my credits transferring so I am highly considering moving out to B.C to start getting my B.A in Worship Arts next September. I have a potential place to live as well, so it seems that things are kinda opening that way. However, things are subject to change so we'll have to just see how this year pans out. There are a few things that I really desire for this year but becuase this is public domain I'm not at liberty to say. Only God knows and at times it seems that things can't possibly come together but if it's meant to be I guess things will and I will know what to do when the time comes. Anyhow, the past few entries haven't been up to my writing standard, at least the one I like, but then again my thought have been all over the place. I will write again hopefully before school starts. Later. Andrea

So it's like 2 AM and I have to work early tomorrow and of course can't sleep. That always happens. Because I like going to bed late and sleeping late a lot of times when I work early I end up not being able to sleep. BAH. Anyway I decided to write because it'd be really awesome if God could just come down and sit down beside me and say ok Andrea let's talk about your choices here. And then tell me what to do. I realize that some of the decision is mine but honestly I just don't know. It seems all the doors are open for me to go but I don't "feel" I should. I know I shouldn't base all things on feelings but I somehow feel I should finish what I started. Also everytime I think I know what my decision is, something happens or someone says something and I change my mind. Yes I'm confused, yes I'm frustrated.....why can't I make up my mind? Why can't God help me make up my mind? Am I afraid to leave? Am I afraid to actually walk out in faith? I know God will be with me in my decision. The question isn't whether I'm going to do it, but when? Do I go now and start fresh, or do I wait another year to finish what I started? The questions I ask myself day by day over and over. And I have about one day left to decide. Pros- -I get to start fresh -Right now I potentially have a place to live so wouldn't have to live in residance and pay and extra 4 grand, plus it is right by the school. -I get my B.A in two yrs cuz my credits transfer -I don't know if I could teach with the B.A in Worship Arts -B.C is beaaaaautiful. Cons- -My mom would be sad -I would miss my kitty....a lot! -I would leave my car, but could always get it at a later date. -I would miss graduating with my friends at school -I don't know how well I would "fit in" because my credits would transfer and I wouldn't be in all the classes and I would be older. The pros and cons seem really dumb. But it's like 2 int he morning so everything seems dumb.....and yea I wanna cry. Hopefully I can sleep now. Later.

Well it's been quite awhile. I have wanted to write a few times but really I don't like my computer, it's so slow. A few days ago I finally bought my very own latptop. YAY!! It's great but it only has wireless internet. We have a router but unforutnately we can't figure out how to make it work yet so that is a bit frustrating. Still slow dial-up for me.....sigh. Let's see......an update on the Bible colleges.....I still haven't decided. I only have about 3 days left because tution for my program here is due Aug 2nd. I just don't know what to do. I've prayed and thought and prayed some more and I just don't know. I guess maybe it's up to me but I'm tired of making decisions. I want God to clearly just show me beyond a shadow of a doubt what to do because it seems my tract record isn't all that great and the decisions I thought were guided by God ended up not being very good ones.....well it seems that way at least. So yea....I don't know what to do but my eyes are on You. Other then that I really dont have much else to say. I've been getting pretty good hours at work which is very nice. Better then my 12 hrs last summer. I'm out.